Boise Naked Yoga Home Design Consultants, Incorporated, Wanda Teetlebound, CEO

Approximately 3 decades ago, I was traumatized on the squareball court at Roosevelt Elementary School by a brown-haired fourth grader in round glasses who called me “little girl.” Shortly thereafter, she became my best friend. Besides swallowing the tiny white car from my Game of Life and co-authoring “Grrr…Monster Poems Galore” with me, Amy B. has also been my companion in countless projects and adventures including, but not limited to, home design.

I recently unearthed one of the many floor plans that I designed with Amy during our dream house phase in 5th or 6th grade, a time (c. 1979) when we were weirdly enchanted by the idea of sunken living rooms, indoor hot tubs, and glass grand pianos suspended from the ceiling by chains. We also appear to have been oddly prepared to house entire extended Chinese families, as most of our plans have 5 or 6 bedrooms.

Although the actual floor plan for my new real home is done (and it doesn’t have a hot tub or a hanging grand piano), there are many interior design issues about which I require consultation, things that are more fun to talk about than SIPS and French drains. I needed a few days to luxuriate in the fantasy home inside my head, and to fill it up with warm colors and lots of throw pillows. So I headed to Boise, Idaho, to confer with Amy about the house and its many needs.

Amy just got back from the Great Wall of China (not pictured...that's me, Copan, and Beso at Diversion Dam on the Boise River), so her consultation included tips on channeling the chi in my new house. I’m not really into the whole feng shui business, probably because I’m just too lazy to study up on the best way to arrange my waste paper baskets for ultimate health and good luck. I do wish there was a way to fung-shooey my refrigerator so that I’d be attracted to celery and low-fat cottage cheese instead of leftover pizza. Instead I learned I’m supposed to consult a ba-gua chart to select the harmonious placement of rooms; I should use red paint in places where I want strength, and I should create an altar or sacred space in my home that includes elements of water, earth, wind and fire, and “supports, focuses, and enhances my inner being as well as the dreams I am manifesting in my physical world.” I wonder if a wet bar with a looping, continuous recording of “Shining Star” would count.

Besides her feng shui expertise, Amy also has a solid grasp of the Colorful Me Beautiful principles (we’re both Summers), so we talked about how to choose paints that would complement my complexion and hair color, while at the same time, shaping and toning my thighs and adding definition to my arms. I’m still planning on a lavender bedroom, a livingroom-kitchen-dining room in deep blues, rich reds, and lots of wood; one yellow guest room and one sage green one, and bathrooms with small mirrors, low lighting, and lots of big fluffy towels for my guests.

We’ve got the ambience all put together, me, Amy, and my imagination. Now we just have to build the house that goes with it.