Note to Self

It is my goal to avoid giving advice when acquaintances build their homes just because I've now done it and of course know everything. Instead I will present in one chunk ten pieces of wisdom I've accumulated over the past year and then forever hold my piece.

1. Find one place to live and then stay there. Moving around house-sitting and living out of a van isn't worth the trouble, and you won't save that much money, anyway. Mostly you'll just end up with a lot of mismatched shoes and a serious case of residential vertigo. This would be Priority Numero Uno on the "Stuff I'd Do Differently" list of advice for any future homebuilding projects I might endure (which I won't, because I plan to live at 1510 17th until my withered, dusty nonegenarian corpse has to be Shop-Vac’d off the sofa).

2. Take photos of everything and everyone involved in the project from beginning to end. This will remind you of the progress you've made, keep a record for future enjoyment, and document the faces of subcontractors who may or may not have left their cigarette butts in your driveway. Also, take a lot of photos of yourself looking harried and sloppy (I recommend a gray hoodie and paint-stained jeans) so that when you finally move in and are back to normal, you can take comfort knowing how much better you look now that the stress has ended.

3. No matter how cute they look in pictures, wait until AFTER you move in to adopt a giant puppy. In my case, adopting Frida when I did was not optimal timing, but because she was part of a package deal--the twin of Kahlo, who was adopted by my lifelong friend Amy and the nephew of Amy's dog Copan--it was unavoidable to bring her into my life when I did. Frida has kept me occupied and less stressed about the house, but she's also given me tendonitis in my elbows and made me appreciate the importance of carefully stashing anything chewable.

4. Plan some stock answers to questions because you will get asked the same thing over and over again. Usually I'm asked when I'm moving in, and I say "as soon as the house is done," which sounds smart-alecky, but I don't mean it to. I don't know when I get to move in, so it's the only answer I have. Lots of people ask "what's the [bedroom/kitchen/etc]" in your house like?" and I have wasted a lot of time describing these spaces, when I should have wiggled my eyebrows and said, "You'll just have to come over and see for yourself" wink, wink. At least if the inquirer was a George Clooney lookalike.

5. Stay busy, but not too busy. I believe that I took on too many projects during the course of construction. Or maybe it just feels that way. Maybe I wasn't doing that much, but it just felt like it because I was constantly packing things into boxes and moving them from place to place and driving around with a truck-cab full of costumes/athletic equipment/dog paraphernalia. But a healthy level of busy-ness can detract from the tedium of waiting, a lesson I failed to remember on Sunday while I sat for 3 hours preceding my leg of the Ski to Sea Race (I mountain-biked…see photo of this year’s disguise).

6. Craigslist! James has to cover his eyes when I back into the driveway, knowing as he does that I've been spending way too much time accumulating stuff for the house that has to be stored at the new place and is therefore competing with the table saw and assorted other construction items for space in the garage. Alas. I’ve saved a ton of money on a used washer and dryer, a set of patio furniture, a bed, lights, and a dog kennel. I also saved $275 by NOT purchasing the giant 6-foot tampon sculpture recently posted for sale.

7. Commit yourself to learning from the experience. Hard to say how knowing what a rafter tail, a jamb saw, or a belly board are will enhance my life in later years, but it’s fun to learn something every day...whether I want to or not. For example, I learned from my parents that I was conceived in this house on 14th Street, just three blocks from the new house. Cool...and ewww.

8. Take risks, be bold, and build the house you want to live in. Unless someone advises against the fire-walking pit in the living room or a swimming pool on the second floor, you're going to be happiest fulfilling your own dream of home, and not building a showplace that others will envy or admire. YOU are the one who will be living there...they'll just be stopping by occasionally for cocktails, in which case you can numb their disappointment about the ideas they pitched that you rejected.

9. Do the happy dance. I know no one wants to picture me doing my Elaine Benes impression on the balcony, but it has happened. More than once. When I’m not griping about waiting and making decisions and hauling my possessions all over town, I’m celebrating, and that seems like the smartest thing I can do.

10. Maintain your sense of humor. I genuinely believe that if you’re not laughing, you’re not doing it right—whatever “it” is. I am completely guilty of having lost my sense of perspective, and with it my smile, during several stressful moments in the last year, but ultimately, I’ve had a lot of fun and many laughs during this process—and I know that once I move in, they’ll continue to multiply.